These Sick Moms Who Breastfeed Too Long!

Quick rant (not like an angry rant though – just a my opinion style rant lol)…
This morning I saw (again) another mother get harshly shamed and berated for nursing her toddler “too long”. The child in question is about to be three years old. While I DO get the reaction of shock and maybe surprise or being somewhat grossed out, I loudly disagree with the anger and outcry she faced. One of the most over-used arguments against full term BF was given: “If the baby is old enough TO ASK FOR IT, it is JUST WRONG!”

Let me put it this way. That is both tiresome and incorrect. For one, every baby from first breath on is ‘old enough to ask for it’. Maybe they don’t use words to do so, but we’ve all seen the rooting instinct kick in. Secondly, I have to ask – at what point do breasts magically revert from nourishment to sexual objects? That IS what we are saying, is it not? That up to age one, this is a nourishing baby. Age two, okay, we’ll begrudgingly cede that the WHO recommends nursing to age two for all the benefits.

Aha! But, due to a lack of research, we shall (probably ignorantly) assume that by the time the child is over two and approaching three or more breast milk IMMEDIATELY loses all nutritional value, and the mother is somehow subjecting her child to her incestuous and unnatural desires for continued bonding. The criminal! The pedophile! The utterly disgusting woman, foisting her sex orbs onto her child like that! Oh blech! Icky! Poo! SOMEONE CALL CPS!!!

That seems a bit much, but I literally saw the word incest and MANY references to the sexuality of breasts in the comments, and they all had the same tone of my exaggerated paragraph.  It made me sad, because as time goes on the studies that are finally and slowly being done always come up with the same result – longer is good! Longer is better! Extended BF (or full term, which is a nicer thing to say) IS GOOD for the child. It can help prevent things down the road like diabetes and childhood (or even later, adult) obesity.

Bottom-lining it, in my own opinion it DOES make me uncomfortable to see an older child nursing. I believe this is primarily because I was taught that it was wrong. But from ‘behind the curtain’, nursing M (as I have no previous long term experience) has been fulfilling for us both. She is far healthier than we experienced with B, and I like to think some of that is her breastmilk. When she’s sick and won’t take anything else, she’ll nurse – and keep it down. I like to think that helps. No matter what the malady (bump, scratch, fall, tired, upset), I can “stick a boob in it”, and she is instantly comforted.

From my point of view, this is a pair-bond God gave us, and will continue until she stops it. Because, get this, children do naturally wean themselves. There is no magic age where we wake up one day and I’m shoving sex-sacks in her face. As long as she is nursing (and I am producing), breastfeeding remains a nutritional thing. Now, were she to start pushing away and saying “No!” I’d be wrong to try to keep forcing it on her. In the meantime, she’s getting milky white insurance for her future, health-wise. I’m getting a little longer to hold her closer to my heart.

So, whatever age it become “gross” to other people, maaaybe I’ll go underground with it (I doubt it, because that implies that shame is earned), but in the meantime, be prepared because I absolutely reject this “wean the baby or you’re a pervert” ideology, and will not stand to hear it. Not for myself, or for any other momma.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I forgot to mention that a child doesn’t recognize these breasts that she’s eaten from as sexual objects at a certain point, either. She doesn’t wake up one morning and think “Mommy’s NAKED!” and get all pervy. There is PLENTY of time to teach her about nudity and how to be completely ashamed of the body God gave her, oh yes. *loads of snark*

But then, I’m not likely to be ‘that mom’, either. I’m far more likely to teach her that her body is beautiful. That she was created in the image of God. That we respect and treat our bodies as well as we possibly can (stepping on my own two feet right here, absolutely).

Then, get this – when she’s older I am 100% likely to teach her what her body parts are called (GASP!) and even worse, I’ll probably give her a sex talk that is POSITIVE instead of negative, and which hopefully empowers her to walk into her marriage (Lord willing) confident that she is about to have a wonderful and good experience with her husband. I actually WANT her to enjoy what God has given her.

Oh, crap. I am probably going to have grandchildren she raises the same way… what IS this world coming to? ;) ;) ;)

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Winter Blues

Ah, the long days of winter.🙂

After the absolutely horrifying drought we had in 2012 I swore that I would not complain about the snow – which is so necessary to prevent another summer dry spell. I do not complain about it that much anyway because, get this, I am aware of the fact that I live in the northern United States! lol

This year, however, is testing my limits. I tend to keep my kiddos away from group activities during the brunt of flu season, and I tend to stay in when there is more ice than traction, aaaand I tend to enjoy the wintery white from the view out my window or play days in the yard. All of those things add up to some serious cabin fever! lol 

So this year – this fresh, crisp, brand-spanking-new 2014 has consisted mostly of talk about “polar vortex” and trying to freeze-proof the house against the sub-zero temps the vortex brings.

Today calls for something different, though. Some more motion than we’ve been getting.

Perhaps a dance party to oldies? That is ALWAYS a fave! I’m sure we knock a little white dust off of the roof with our near-yell volume singing along.🙂

Maybe today calls for a water fight in the bathtub!🙂 Nothing makes the kiddos happier than splashing the entire room and soaking their mother with watery antics. 

We could always have a 2 minute anything goes jump on the bed party.🙂 Those are a big hit, too, especially when the two littles go bouncing and rolling when Mommy takes a turn.😉

Whatever this day calls for – be it a mini-marathon set up around the living room and down the hall, or a speed round of hip hop dancing, or even noisy karaoke in the living room – it calls for some life.🙂

What do you do on those cold, dreary, it-has-been-too-long wintery days?

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A Different Way of Thinking

As my smallest ‘little’ grows and changes into what seems to me to be a very independent little person, I find that I am still getting the feedback that I need to practice having her away from me. It comes harmlessly enough – never rudely – but the underlying message is still the same. She is too dependent on me. It would be good for us both to get away from each other.

I have a thought or two on the matter.

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First, although I do not care for labels, one that might be used at the moment for my baby is ‘shy’.

I have not experienced this before, but it is a fact that cannot be denied. She is in full blossom around home and her closest family members. When I babysit, she is in full blossom around her little friends or cousins. She will play in the church nursery around other children, but only after she’s spent the morning service staring quietly out of her big blue eyes, assessing the situation. She will hop down immediately to play in the waiting room at the doctor’s office or any other kid-oriented play space – as long as no non-family adults look at or try to play with her.

Bring other adults into the room that she doesn’t know or hasn’t seen as often, and she stands very still, looking mostly at the floor. In about thirty minutes, sometimes less (depending on the time of day), she warms up a little. She plays around them but not with them. Any bit of communication or eye contact will send her back into her doe-like ‘if I stay still they may not see me’ pose.

I find this endearing!🙂 I know what the onlookers do not: this is not her “normal” disposition. This is her social disposition, but it is not who she is or what her regular personality is.

Mornings are even more quiet and awkward, because she is a night owl and very off-kilter in the a.m. She’ll likely be in the doe pose AND pressed tightly against my legs, holding herself in a quiet defense pose against a too-early world.

But maybe her silence is okay. Maybe, just maybe, it is alright for this to be her tiny way to warm up to and cope in a very big world.

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From what the doctor says, and from what I glean in the many parenting materials on the subject, if you take the parenting by instincts approach that we do, she is going to be just fine. The fact that she does warm up is a good thing. She may appear shy for now, yes, but not painfully.🙂

This warming up process is important to her emotional development and budding sense of security. I am supportive of that. There is no reason to take her to a daycare provider I do not need in a car I do not have and force her to be separate “for her own good”.

While we do live in a generation that sees children as an annoyance that must be scheduled or managed around one’s own life; I have the sense that these children are my gifts and my treasures. I have no need or desire to be away from them on a regular basis. I laugh when I think of how over-cautioned we were about our previously only child. (How I hate that term!)

“Don’t give her the things she wants – you’ll spoil her!”
“Make sure you take her to outside classes and places, or she’ll never have friends!”
“Homeschooling? How is she ever going to learn to be social?”

All of the fears other individuals projected into our home turned out to be unfounded. She is my bright and social butterfly, flitting from person to person. Although she was “stuck with mom” through all the days of her childhood, she doesn’t know a stranger in the world. I find that somewhat terrifying! lol

Living out that experience with her has taught me that I can trust my instincts. Supporting her personality and character as it develops has taught me that most things even out in time. I am not here to micromanage these children to death. (That is hard to remember sometimes!) I am here to nurture their natural abilities and ease them into the world, ready to go.

Say what you will, we are doing the right thing by supporting this baby in becoming comfortable on her own timeline. Albeit quite literally sometimes, I have her back. I always have, and she is already more outgoing than she was a few months ago. She is gaining confidence at her own speed in her own way, with our support. That is ultimately what will give her the security to venture out on her own. I am okay with that.🙂

 Parenting is just not as by-the-book as it once was. In many cases, the book has been proven wrong. These days, it takes a different way of thinking. Whatever your way is, I am sure it is right for your kids.❤ They were given to you for a reason.

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These Sick Women Who Breastfeed Too Long!

Quick rant (not like an angry rant though – just a my opinion style rant lol)…
This morning I saw (again) another mother get harshly shamed and berated for nursing her toddler “too long”. The child in question is about to be three years old. While I DO get the reaction of shock and maybe surprise or being somewhat grossed out, I loudly disagree with the anger and outcry she faced. One of the most over-used arguments against full term BF was given: “If the baby is old enough TO ASK FOR IT, it is JUST WRONG!”

Let me put it this way. That is both tiresome and incorrect. For one, every baby from first breath on is ‘old enough to ask for it’. Maybe they don’t use words to do so, but we’ve all seen the rooting instinct kick in. Secondly, I have to ask – at what point do breasts magically revert from nourishment to sexual objects? That IS what we are saying, is it not? That up to age one, this is a nourishing baby. Age two, okay, we’ll begrudgingly cede that the WHO recommends nursing to age two for all the benefits.

Aha! But, due to a lack of research, we shall (probably ignorantly) assume that by the time the child is over two and approaching three or more breast milk IMMEDIATELY loses all nutritional value, and the mother is somehow subjecting her child to her incestuous and unnatural desires for continued bonding. The criminal! The pedophile! The utterly disgusting woman, foisting her sex orbs onto her child like that! Oh blech! Icky! Poo! SOMEONE CALL CPS!!!

That seems a bit much, but I literally saw the word incest and MANY references to the sexuality of breasts in the comments, and they all had the same tone of my exaggerated paragraph.  It made me sad, because as time goes on the studies that are finally and slowly being done always come up with the same result – longer is good! Longer is better! Extended BF (or full term, which is a nicer thing to say) IS GOOD for the child. It can help prevent things down the road like diabetes and childhood (or even later, adult) obesity.

Bottom-lining it, in my own opinion it DOES make me uncomfortable to see an older child nursing. I believe this is primarily because I was taught that it was wrong. But from ‘behind the curtain’, nursing M (as I have no previous long term experience) has been fulfilling for us both. She is far healthier than we experienced with B, and I like to think some of that is her breastmilk. When she’s sick and won’t take anything else, she’ll nurse – and keep it down. I like to think that helps. No matter what the malady (bump, scratch, fall, tired, upset), I can “stick a boob in it”, and she is instantly comforted.

From my point of view, this is a pair-bond God gave us, and will continue until she stops it. Because, get this, children do naturally wean themselves. There is no magic age where we wake up one day and I’m shoving sex-sacks in her face. As long as she is nursing (and I am producing), breastfeeding remains a nutritional thing. Now, were she to start pushing away and saying “No!” I’d be wrong to try to keep forcing it on her. In the meantime, she’s getting milky white insurance for her future, health-wise. I’m getting a little longer to hold her closer to my heart.

So, whatever age it become “gross” to other people, maaaybe I’ll go underground with it (I doubt it, because that implies that shame is earned), but in the meantime, be prepared because I absolutely reject this “wean the baby or you’re a pervert” ideology, and will not stand to hear it. Not for myself, or for any other momma.

I forgot to mention that a child doesn’t recognize these breasts that she’s eaten from as sexual objects at a certain point, either. She doesn’t wake up one morning and think “Mommy’s NAKED!” and get all pervy. There is PLENTY of time to teach her about nudity and how to be completely ashamed of the body God gave her, oh yes. *loads of snark*

But then, I’m not likely to be ‘that mom’, either. I’m far more likely to teach her that her body is beautiful. That she was created in the image of God. That we respect and treat our bodies as well as we possibly can (stepping on my own two feet right here, absolutely).

Then, get this – when she’s older I am 100% likely to teach her what her body parts are called (GASP!) and even worse, I’ll probably give her a sex talk that is POSITIVE instead of negative, and which hopefully empowers her to walk into her marriage (Lord willing) confident that she is about to have a wonderful and good experience with her husband. I actually WANT her to enjoy what God has given her.

Oh, crap. I am probably going to have grandchildren she raises the same way… what IS this world coming to?😉😉😉

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Putting Out Feelers

I have decided to rejoin the blog sphere. At the moment I am putting out feelers here at WordPress. I’ve never used this site before, so this post serves as a simple test…Image

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